Jokes [English]

prcko · Objavljeno: Sre Dec 05, 2007 3:43 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

6 truths of life:

1) You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.

2) All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it.

3) The first truth is a lie.

4) You're smiling now cause you are a idiot.

5) You will soon forward this to another idiot.

6) Theres still a stupid smile on your face.

Sponzor · Objavljeno: Sre Dec 05, 2007 3:43 pm Naslov sporočila: Sponzor

OBIŠČITE ŠE NAŠE OSTALE PARTNERJE

prcko · Objavljeno: Čet Jan 17, 2008 5:04 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

A stockbroker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a white van comes flying along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

Distraught, the broker grabs his mobile and calls the cops. Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the cop has a chance to ask any questions, the broker starts screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"

After the stockbroker finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody stockbrokers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the broker.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the van hit you."

The stockbroker looks down in absolute horror.

"F&*"ing hell!" he screams. "Where's my Rolex?"

siljo · Objavljeno: Ned Jan 27, 2008 4:26 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

An Arab at the airport:

- Name?

- Abdul al-Rhazib.

- Sex?

- Three to five times a week.

- No, no... I mean male or female?

- Male, female, sometimes camel.

- Holy cow!

- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.

- But isn't that hostile?

- Horse style, doggy style, any style!

- Oh dear!

- No, no! Deer run too fast !

Deeyan · Objavljeno: Ned Jan 27, 2008 5:55 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

:smilietease4 :smilietease4 :smilietease4 good joke

prcko · Objavljeno: Sre Feb 13, 2008 6:11 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

<> 1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.

2.<>
Strike while the
bug is close.

3.
It's always darkest before
<>Daylight Saving Time.

4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.

<>5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?

6.
Don't bite the hand that
<> looks dirty.

7.
No news is
impossible

<>8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.

9.
You can't teach an old dog new<>
Math

10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.

<> 11.
Love all, trust
Me.

12.
<>The pen is mightier than the
pigs.

13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax<> .

14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.

<>15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.

16.
A penny saved is
<> not much.

17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.

<>18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.

19.
<>Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.

20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.<>

21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.

22.<>
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.

23.
You get out of something only what you
<>
See in the picture on the box

24.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.

<>25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

AndtheWINNERandlastone!
<> 26.
Better late than
Pregnant

prcko · Objavljeno: Sre Feb 27, 2008 6:59 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class,
and she discovered little Jimmy with a cat up his jumper.
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Jimmy started crying.
"I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mommy
'I'm gonna eat your pussy today!"

Deeyan · Objavljeno: Sre Feb 27, 2008 8:36 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

:laugh :laugh :laugh this is :pervert

siljo · Objavljeno: Čet Feb 28, 2008 6:11 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

:smilietease4 :smilietease4

siljo · Objavljeno: Pet Maj 16, 2008 10:04 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in
the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear
Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows
off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and
makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the
empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is
anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again
inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right
mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?" The man
replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't
been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

Deeyan · Objavljeno: Sob Maj 17, 2008 11:09 am Naslov sporočila: Re:

:smilietease4 :smilietease4 :smilietease4 football means to him more than his wife :lol:

Ronny · Objavljeno: Ned Maj 18, 2008 3:02 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

siljo · Objavljeno: Ned Maj 18, 2008 3:19 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

Ronny this is ENGLISH forum,not german!

prcko · Objavljeno: Ned Maj 18, 2008 3:23 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

yes pleas translate it

Deeyan · Objavljeno: Ned Maj 18, 2008 9:58 pm Naslov sporočila: Re:

yes Ronny, we don't understand German :wink:

So Ronny :xswelcome1 to us :D

prcko · Objavljeno: Sre Avg 06, 2008 4:08 pm Naslov sporočila: re

TOP 10 REASONS WHY HARLEY RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK:

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm.
8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
4. Just discovered that fine print in owner’s manual and realized that H-D is partially owned by Honda.
3. Can’t tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on helmet spike.
1. They’re too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY GOLDWING RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK:

10. Wasn’t sure whether other riders was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. The espresso machine just finished.
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer.
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature, and satellite navigation system.
1. Couldn’t find the “auto wave back” button on dashboard.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY BMW RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK:

10. New Aerostitch suit too stiff to raise arm.
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered “bad form”.
8. Your bike isn’t weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day ride on a stock “comfort” seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to Ipod, XM, or talking on the cell phone.
5. He’s an Iron Butt rider and you’re not!
4. Wires from Gerbings are too short.
3. You’re not riding the “right kind” of BMW.
2. You haven’t been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.